Dogs Dirty Digits Don't Decieve, Dog Demented.

My dog is crazy. She is the sweetest dog, but she's challenged. She has taken to hanging out in the bathtub. Actually she's always done this, I don't know why, sometimes its because the smoke alarm goes off, or something beeps (she hates beeping things), but lately she just likes sleeping in there. My picky kid wont take a bath or shower until I scrub the tub with comet. You all see where this is leading right? You guessed it, the dogs new trick is designed to create a never-ending job for me, another one, as if shedding all day isn't enough. Well, "throw her outside" you say, I say, "ok" then she goes and wedges herself between a tree and my deck where she likes to sit in wait of squirrels to bark at and chase. She has dug herself a cozy little mud pit that of course gets on her paws at the first hint of rain. Well, last night was dry as a bone right, so no worries. I call her in right before Dylan is to get into his bath. Dylan goes in a few minutes later and says, " uh dad, can you come here, I need to show you something" being as patient with his stall tactics as I can be, I say, "What", he says just come here, I can't explain it", "Try" I say, after I realize this is going nowhere fast, I haul myself off the couch and into the bathroom where it becomes painfully clear that Jazzy was in her secret hiding spot outside, I didn't realize she was dirty because the dirt was dry enough not to leave tracks on the floor when she came in. She fixed that by climbing into the bathtub and wetting her paws a little. From there it was clear that she turned a few circles, climbed out of the tub, walked over to the window a couple times, checked the cat box for fresh eats, sniffed the toilet and clothes hamper and of course walked all over Dylan's clothes and then the rest of the house.
Dylan came very close to learning how many appropriate uses there are for the F word. But I managed to use my "inside voice".
Stupid dog.
Once I got the place clean, her paws scrubbed and my kid started on his shower, its back to the couch to be stared at by Jazzy unflinchingly like after all the yelling I did, I must have some nerve to sit on her couch. When that didn't work, she sat in the middle of the room staring at the wall with her back to me. A new trick she picked up to get back at me or anyone she deems responsible for displacing her from her spot -on- the- couch- that- has- never- really- been- allowed- but- does -it- anyway. She's pretty hard to stay mad at though and 15 minutes later, she was back in my good graces and curled up nice and cozy on the couch.