Home Improvement Improves Home.

I'm proud of this title, it really says it all in the redundant way that real news does.
Enough about me...
We have a small kitchen and a mud room that is nearly the exact same size. Roughly 7 x 11 for each. So why not spiff it up a little by replacing the linoleum? No big deal right, I’m pretty handy and I already have in my head a game plan for how this is coming together.
It’s simple, take off the trim, measure , cut and place, replace the trim and its off to something fun to do for the rest of the weekend.
I think you all know where this is going.
You guessed it, and it fully confirms what I’ve always said, “nothing is easy”
Not even purchasing this ‘weekend fun-draining’ sheet of polished plastic was easy.
I get started by organizing my workspace. One room at a time. I choose the mud room in case I make any mistakes while I’m getting the hang of it. I push the washer and dryer into the kitchen which leaves about enough room for one of my legs to get through to the fridge, but no big deal, I’ll have this knocked out in a couple hours max. Well, a couple hours later, I’m still removing trim and sinks and preparing the surface. When I get it all ready to start measuring is when I get that first sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one that simultaneously says your in over your head and your never gonna get this room done by the end of the weekend. Much less both rooms. This room, tiny as it is has 3 door ways! Which means 6 door jams to cut around. Plus a water heater and all the gas and water pipes that conveniently pop up through the stupid floor. I tell my self that the measuring is going to take the bulk of the time in this project, and to be patient and take as long as you need to get it right, measure, re-measure and then doubt your ability to read a ruler and re-measure a couple more times before committing a razor to this “plastic gold” When 10:30 p.m. rolls around, I’m done....MEASURING! And my work of art has been transferred to the sheet in the living room where I will now throw caution to the wind and start hacking this thing into a near perfect replica of my room. That done and an hour later, the moment of truth, all my hard work will be put to the test, with Kim watching over me and lending me moral support during this tough time in the operation. (Actually I think she wanted to see that I didn’t jack it up) we laid it down to make sure it fit and to make any adjustments in the event that any were required. Who am I fooling, of course there would be adjustments, why wouldn’t there be, I’ve only been working on this stupid room for 12 hours now with nothing to show for it yet except an inaccessible kitchen. Still, I set to the task with the determination of uh...um...well, something with one hell of a lot of determination. 45 more minutes of trimming here and touching up there and I’m done. Except for 'the move everything back in' part which can easily be done in the morning.
Morning rolls around and its time to put everything back, including hook up the washer again which I convince myself will leak because it would be too easy for it not to. I’m wrong, the washer hooked up and didn’t leak one drop, the sink however developed a leaky pipe to make up for it! Why oh why! After uttering a choice string of words about Murphy and his bullsh**t laws, I fetch my monkey wrench and fix the problem with relative ease. With that room accomplished, its time to get started on the kitchen. To find out how that went, just re-read the above and swap out washer and dryer for even heavier fridge and stuff. I would be more specific, but re-living this is putting me through the same mental fatigue and I can’t do it. All in all, I got ‘er done and it looks great and if anyone comes over and says otherwise, you might end up buried in my back yard, so WATCH IT!