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Originally uploaded by cmort04.

Time, The Immortal Buzzsaw

Another year has past at an even faster rate than the one prior.
I gave the passage of time some thought this past weekend while standing in the never ending rain and wind on our coast. Although chilly, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The immense power and overall hugeness of the ocean never fails to inspire awe and humility. Dylan and I sat on the rocks and watched enormous waves effortlessly toss about giant logs. Toss them up on the rocks only to yank them back into the frothy, churning soup a few waves later. Evidence of the elements breaking down the land were everywhere. Maybe they were more pronounced because the destruction was sitting on the man paved road that will one day be nothing but round shiny rocks picked up along a beach that isn’t there yet. Although Ma nature tears down, she also rebuilds and its a cycle that never ends. Things change, and often, these changes can’t be stopped. Instead of trying, we just sat and watched the beautiful pounding of the surf against the formidable rock. The rock slowly losing the fight and changing into the new beach.
Jim, Karen, Kim, Dylan and I had a great day. It was good to get away. Although a short trip, it felt like a long relaxing one for me. We made good use of our time. Saw a lot and ate some good food. Too much good food.
We also managed to stop by a tourist trap that for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to stop. Its an old nautical museum type shop. This place is my kind of place. I loved it and was happy to have stopped, even though it burned up some extremely valuable daylight that I could have used on the drive back. But we made it home safe and sound anyway so I’m glad we took the time.
Our New year is shaping up to be pretty low key. Jim and Karen board the train back home tomorrow. They will be missed. We had a great visit and I’m sorry to see them go. Hopefully we’ll be seeing a lot more of them once Jim retires in 6 months. Maybe by then the housing market will have crashed and they can get a house that isn’t incredibly overpriced.
I don’t make New Years resolutions, I strive to change things and evolve as I feel the need. But if I were to make one, it would be to make more stops along the way instead of putting the things I want to experience on the back burner for another day.
So there it is. Oh and I plan on using my camera for more family pics than commercial ones. I looked back at my images from the past year and although we have a lot of family pictures, it was painfully obvious to me that I have dropped the ball in this department. Aside from those two resolutions, I’m not making any.

Happy New Year,

The End.

Crusading Christmas Caroller Curtailed by Cold

Actually, I’m an anti-caroller but I needed a catchy title. (that’s right, the Ol’ bait and switch, oldest trick in the book) My ass is currently being kicked by a wickeder than normal cold, and I’ve had about all I can take. My wife, who gave it to me in the first place now has the nerve to blame me for getting her re-sick. It appears I’m never going to get rid of this thing....Never. And now, its conveniently turned into a sinus infection. I should be pretty cheery come Christmas morning!
Anyway, back to carolling. There is nothing more awkward than answering your door to a bunch of unknown people singing all off key while you have to stand there and endure it with a 100% fake smile of appreciation.
Kim seems to think its a nice gesture yet as soon as the doorbell rings, I’m left alone to suffer these obnoxious savages. And just as they're wrapping up the worst yet longest version of Jingle Bells ever belted in public, they ramp up into an even more annoying Noel. Three songs I had to stand on my porch and listen too, looking them in the eye from 5 feet away, my Christmas Spirit being sucked out of me faster with each verse. Not a soul around from my family to back me up. UGH. this was in Denver by the way and the roving pack of bad singers were my super religious neighbors and their 7 kids. All dress up like they should be at the church ice creme social, but accidentally knocked on my door instead.
The following year, I heard them singing at the poor bastards house next door so I quietly hid in the basement and ignored the doorbell. Kim apparently also heard them coming as I couldn’t find her or Dylan either. Fortunately they don’t feel so strongly about their intrusive tradition that they’ll just walk into your house and sing at you where your hiding, in my case, in the dark basement tucked in a cozy fetal position. I know its a nice gesture blah blah, I don’t like it. Back in the day it may have made sense, but back in the day I would have been just as introverted as I am now and would have thought the same thing. I have a fence around my house now, so I have options, either let the dogs out, or turn the hose on them. The fence buys me some time to weigh my options.
I hope everyone had a happy Winter Solstice!
Merry Christmas! (and happy holidays to all you in the PC crowd!)

One Beer Too Many

Well, the Holiday party season has arrived and I welcomed it in a way that I haven’t since my early 20’s. And I did it in grand style with 50 of my closest new friends. We started out the evening rushing around like crazy people trying to get ready for Kim’s annual office party. This was her first and we didn’t really know what to expect. Being somewhat shy and short on small talk, I struck out to the bar for my first of “ahem” several pints of social skills. After a little wax was re-introduced into my recently wax free system, I fell right in step with the crowd and began laughing and making fast friends. We had a great dinner, plenty of entertainment and some fine music. So fine, I’m told that I danced to it by myself as the party rolled on. I don’t consider myself much of a dancer in fact, quite the opposite but I felt especially smooth and coordinated that night and surly impressed Kim’s new coworkers with my kick ass rug cutting dance skills. In addition to my dancin’, I apparently hugged and then used as a crutch, some lady that I had never met. She’s a lucky gal though, I didn’t drag her to the coat rack to make out. My wife stuck by me and made sure that I didn’t do anything stupid... Oh wait... No as it turns out, she didn’t. I managed plenty of stupid things. Not the least of which was accepting the generous shots of tequila from my new found friends.
I stand by my belief that tequila is only a good idea when your too drunk to know otherwise. That stuff is pure evil.
By the end of the night, or party, (as my night/morning was just beginning) we headed home. From here on out, I have to rely on witnesses as I personally cannot recall a single damn event.
It would seem that we made it about a block before nausea came a knockin’ and I had to make a down payment on a full hangover as we stopped and waited for a train. I imagine this was a pretty neat thing for passing traffic to witness, but a deal with the devil is a deal and my payments were due. It would be the first of many in the next hour to come.
I get home, made it to the bathroom where at least I had a proper place do my dirty work. So comfy was the area in and around my toilet that I took a quick nap with my hand resting all cozy and uh, warm in the cat litter. My nap was indeed a quick one though. I awoke to Kim pounding on the door telling me to unlock it. (Apparently I didn’t want to embarrass myself with letting my wife see me like this, it made perfect sense at the time SO CAN IT!) She was still dressed beautifully in a gown and seemed pretty intent on my getting the hell out of the litter box and into bed. Normally I would be quick to answer that request, but with the elusive doorway constantly spinning just out of reach, I wasn’t able to get out without first falling into the damn wall which in my opinion shouldn’t have been constructed there in the first place. This just after she handed me a glass bowl with which to make future deposits should the need “come up”. She quickly revised her game plan upon seeing that I used up all my coordination on the dance floor and handed me a more sturdy metal bowl to take to bed. Not what I was hoping for, but even in my “fuzzy” state, I realized that my night for “swinging from the chandelier romance as the boy was at the baby-sitters all night” was about 4 beers and two shots to late. I crawled into bed and woke up to the alarm blasting a few hours later. Thanking god that it was Saturday and that I didn’t do this to myself on a school night. Kim on the other hand had to go to work. I ate some aspirin, crawled back into bed where I was fully planning to spend my entire day, or the next several, what ever it took not to feel like this beat up and broken, sore stomach havin’ pounding headed excuse for a carcass. At around whenever, I did get up and take a hot, hot shower, made some ginger tea hoping to stop the nausea, when that didn’t work, I got rid of it the old fashioned way, by literally getting rid of it, back to the toilet for me. From there I walk to the Hubbard’s who’s house Dylan is staying, to check on him. The Hubbards by the way are the son and daughter in law of the owner of the company who’s party was responsible for my current condition and by the time I made it over there, my antics had preceded me. After checking on Jr and explaining my condition and the evils of drinkin’, Karen told me he can stay a while longer. I greet this news with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, then head back home where I hold the couch down for the next couple hours. I did manage to eat and keep it down. I started to feel a little better, and then a lot better by the end of dinner. Thank god!
That my friends is as good a reason for moderation as there ever was one.
Sunday rolled around and I was a 110% better, a new man.
Whew! Glad that is over, I’d like to say I learned from it. But I won’t make any promises

Principal's Thespian Ways Discovered

You read right people, the Principal of Dylan’s school is a big Thespian. And a good one at that!
This little discovery was made possible by my brides attempt to inject a little culture into our lives. She bought tickets to A Christmas Carol.
At first I was a little skeptical about the whole thing eating into my precious time of contemplating just the right moment to hang Christmas lights (the right moment still hasn’t presented itself) Anyhoo, my skepticism was soon laid to rest as the performance started. It was very engaging and entertaining. Although the name is a little misleading as there is nobody in it named Carol (I joke)
It was performed at a little dinner theater downtown. Watching the play however, you would’ve thought the tiny stage was boundless.
One big surprise of the show and I mean that literally as the guy is huge, was Dylan’s school Principal was one of the main characters. Actually he played several and flawlessly to boot. It made the play all the more entertaining and provided a connection and point of interest for Dylan although even without Mr. Boling, the play was riveting enough to keep an 8 year old’s eyes glued to the stage. That is a huge endorsement if you ask me. After the play, Dylan had to fight his way through the crowd and let Mr. B. know what a good job he’d done. I thought it was neat that he felt comfortable enough to do that and the fact that Mr. B. had made himself accessible to his students like that says a lot about his character. It was a good time and one I would recommend, misleading title or not.

From there it was straight to the bowling ally where we got right back to the seriousness of preparing for the fast approaching showdown with Grandpa. Upon arrival, I stated as I usually do that this time, “I was probably going to bowl a perfect game”. Only this time I back it up with a strike on my first roll, Head high and maybe a little cocky, I stepped up to clinch a second strike towards my goal, Only to roll a disappointing split. Lofty dreams died a hard and fast death as my game fluctuated from pure brilliance to the gutter and every combo in between. All in all, we played pretty good by our standards, I took the first game, Dylan the second. Kim was “consistent” both games.
I’ll get em next time, or the time after that or perhaps my perfect 300 is lurking in wait of the big game with Grandpa H.

Christmas Tree Cat Toy

You would have thought our Christmas Tree was made of pure catnip! The other 3 cats really could care less, but its Stinker’s first Christmas and its proving to be just too much for him, from the sparkly hanging tinkling glass to the shiny antique ornaments he loves it all, and who can pass up a chance to become a cat-kabob by chewing on the lights. Not him, that’s who. Not to mention it brings the perfect hiding place that he’s used to in the wilds (of our backyard) indoors, conveniently out of the wet weather yet maintaining its benefit of being able to conceal him whilst he waits to pounce on the always unsuspecting Sammy, who from the sound he makes would have you believe Stinky lit him on fire and put him out with a chain saw. All this usually starts at about the time I start to fall asleep. Any amount of clapping or yelling is seen as an empty threat and he just keeps going until Kim forces me to get up and stop the infernal racket. As soon as he hears foot steps coming his way though he shoots back under the tree where he knows I can’t get to him. Sammy of course is the biggest baby in the house and will cry bloody murder if Stinky gets within 4 feet of him. I usually get mad at Sammy since he’s the one actually making the unbearable noise and it makes me wish I could find him a skirt to wear.

Since last mentioning the money draining Tooth Fairy tradition, Dylan has yanked two more teeth out and now I’m firmly convinced its purely for the cash. But his little trick backfired the other night when he tried to chomp down on a carrot, only to learn that it takes more than gums alone to crack one of those babies. Ha ha, sucker. It does however slow down his eating dinner to an unbearable pace for my inherited patience level.
Guess I’m the sucker.

I hope to hang some Christmas lights this weekend, but unless the rain stops, I will have to continue to look at the neighbors. Boy, they really make me look like a scrooge too. Especially after putting up my Halloween stuff on the first of Oct. I still maintain that it is perfectly acceptable to hold out and put your tree and decorations up the 2nd week of December. It would appear that I stand alone in my thinking. This may be the earliest I’ve put any tree up and look at me, I’m feeling pressure to put lights up and its only the 2nd. That’s a sack of crap. This next year I might merge all the holidays together and dress my Christmas tree in my Halloween costume while eating leftover turkey sandwiches as I hide Easter eggs under it.